The Game of Life-Changing
by Shishinami
Summary: Every encounter,friends,fake friends are meant to change your life,your story,your attitude and view.
1. CHAPTER ONE

"Strange dream"

I recall the last scene of my dream as clear as day because I was in the place that I'm familiar with. Mainly, due to fact that i passed through that spot literally all my life. It is not that I'm hanging around only in that place,but it turned out that the only way to reach market was though that path. But I think that spot stuck in my mind not only because of that but also because I remember myself and people that i called friends back then I was like 10 or 11 years. So,me and my so-called "friends" used to play football,hide and seek and other stuff in the playground. We lived in the building nearby that playground and that exact playground was the place I ended up at.

For the record,me and my family moved in that building when I was 6 so it's pretty obvious that I can't just dispose of that bunch of memories in my mind even if I wanted to.

The building where we were living have 6 corpus and have shaped that this building can encircle that playground so that all our parents and relatives can watch over us. So here I am,about to pass my old building there I used to live and enter into my playground but that would never gonna happen(at least in my dream). But I've noticed an imposter which rode on the swings. That person wore black coat. Suddenly it starts to rain. But I was concentrated on someone on the swings. I've expected someone i know (well,or maybe heard of. At least seen once). Wind begins to blow furiously,her hood was blown off by it and I've noticed her long hair with dark blue tint and two bright light that blinked once,which I suppose were her eyes.Unfortunately,the moment I was about to make one step and move toward her I was struck by thunder and then I wоke up.

Usually, I have not that much dreams when i'm asleep,so i didn't even expected that I'm about to see one. The thing is - I remember only the end of my unexpected dream(which I think isn't a surprise, but I suppose that I got it memorized because my alarm was rung at 7:00 AM). And just as everybody I was curious about like:"why exactly that playground?",or "why thunder and not car/zombie attack?",or "why after all this year when I am 18 years old now and moved from that place from my dream 3 years ago?" and question that tortured me tge most was "Who's that mysterious girl?". But it's already 7:04 AM and I have to go to the bathroom,brush my teeth,take a shower,eat something,get dressed and be ready to go to that shitty school of mine.

Me,my Mom,Father and sister living in one-roomed apartment. They're sleeps in the room and whole kitchen at my disposal. The kitchen is big enough to place there 2 chairs,table and the couch where I sleep. We are middle eastern family so it's okay for us to live in one-roomed apartment with your relatives.

I set my alarm to ring at 7 AM not because I was scared to be late (the first lesson starts at 8:30) but because I'm one of those idiots who can sleep till 2 PM. Thanks God my school was close to my home. Actually too close,though. I could literally throw a stone from my window to my school. Yes,that is creepy. Well,it's May here,this is my last year and I'm graduating from school. I have to study and get ready for my exams but just like most teens of my age I don't give. Previous day of my passed on sofa while watching tv but also day bofore that I've spent like that,too. So yeah,I don't care and I watching TV-series and movies all day instead of studying. Anyways,I ate my breakfast,it's 7:50 PM and now I'm going to school...


	2. CHAPTER TWO

"Usual day"

7:53 PM,i'm outside. Today's sunny but weather is a little chilly,you can exhale and can notice that steam comes out from your mouth. I'm not wearing my jacket and the reason - school is nearby. Yet,first lesson starts at 8:30,thus i have plenty of time. For past three years there's like 2 markets was built and i'm heading to the nearest store to buy a Coke (today i have P.E in my timetable so i need something to quench my thirst. Not that i can't buy something in school or drink water,but for now,at this very moment, i want Coke. It's just who i am. If i don't want to do my homework - i just simply not doing it).

The store's located three minutes from my house. I get there at 7:56 PM but have to wait till 8:00 PM for store to open. Now i'm in,grabed the coke and going to pay fot it. The line was not that big,it's early and i spotted only 2 people in store. I paid the bill,get my change and walked out of the market,then planning to head to school.

Аfter leaving the store i glaced at my phone to know what time it is. It was 8:06. While putting my phone back into my pocket i noticed a familiar jacket passing by,that was my...friend. Yeah,I thibk can consider him as a real and the only good friend of mine. We know each other for like 11 years,we've been in the same class since first grade but we've started communicate last year,when we were in 10th grade.(after 9th grade children can leave school and go to the college but if they want they can continue their education at school,and after graduation they're going to the university. That's how it is in our country.) So, we have 50 pupils in 9th grade and of course we can't be one whole class, consequently, we got devided into two classes back since 5th grade. But now i have 23 people (including myself) in my class. We'll return to that topic but now let's go back to that guy. The name is Andrew,he's 10 month younger than me so he's 17 years by now,taller than me by 1 centimetre. That guy really into bicycle. I don't remember the name of the tournament that he training for and wish to take part in but he really above the level of an low amateur but totally not higher,that's for sure. I've always noticed that he's good at math and physics,and he told me once that he's only good at this subjects so he planned to bound his life with math and so on. At first,I thought that he want to become an banker or someone else as dull as banker...it's just I don't know who you can become if you want to study math and physics, I'm suck at math. Well,it turned out that he don't care and don't know what profession he would choose. That was his mom who want him to become scientist or something. That lady is very strong-willed and bossy woman but her son,Andrew, is weak-willed guy so she's the one who desiding everything in their family. Not that his father is weak-willed,too,but i think he just don't want to anything so his wife have no choice but to handle it herself. Andrew's about to be in some science stuff. That was desided by his mother long time ago and he's not gonna change her "plan" about his life because he's that kind of person. He don't give a thing,he don't want anything and if his mom said him to do that or not to do that - he just obey,that's it. So, we know each other for so long but we've never talked for more that approximately 30 minutes per month,hanged out,not even consider something concerning about school before. I mean,not that it's both our fault, it's totally mine foult. Yes. I admit it. I was scared. Too scared to trust someone again and got mocked and humiliated again. But the thing is - back then I had my first experience,they WERE my friend,i thought that i can told them everything about me,just like they did between each other,and sometimes, something they shared their secrets with me. But whatever. We were young and dumb,we did a lot of stupid things,but I really,with the botton of my heart belived them,i entrusted my deepest and shadiest secrets. I thought i can trust them... Gotta point that out,i THOUGHT that i can!

Here. Imagine that your son is 10 years old and he just made a new friend who's the same age as your son. You moved resenty to unfamiliar for you and your family town,city or neighborhood and you don't know the area. But you got work to do. So you encounter with your neighbors and their child,and then,Mother of that little sweety boy offering to your wife to come in to drink some tea,talk and know each other a little colser. You agreed,but her boy want to go for a walk and his mother decided to let him go but she also want him to take your child with him. Yap,there's no reason to not let your son go and explore new small area,besides,you always can take a look through window to check if everything's ok. So,here it is, first friend named Gregory. Your son is scared,because he don't know the area,but he just got a friend that will help him! Well,at least that what his mother said to him. That's what she and her son thought,but no...not gonna happen. They spend some time togher:laugh,play and do other kid stuff. But it's late already,they have to head back and eat. The young boy following his new friend,but then, that little shit Gregory,starting with grinning and ending with psycho laughing,ran. Your poor kid ran after him,but Gregory was faster, and little guy start crying while continuing running after his "friend". When Gregory got tired he stop running. The other kid stopped,too. And then, Gregory start like this:

"That was awesome!"- said kid with laughter "Ok,stop crying,i'm sick of your screaming!"- sighed and head back home. "Gregory is an angel" - that's what your mother think og your new friend. But of course you can lie when you're kid and take advantage of being innocent in your parents eyes,but there is few kid who have conscience and that little shit Gregory is exception. Anyway, your kid is too proud toо admit that he was crying and,by that time,he had anyone as friend so he wanted to hang with that Gregory more. He had no choice but to play along with his lie. He just keep it as secret. He don't want to let his mother or little sis to know that he was crying.

Few months later,your kid start to navigate the terrain and he doesn't need any help to get home. So, his "friend" Gregory decided to introduce your son to his other friends. Of course your son rejoiced. And here we are,having fun,playing football,hide-and-seek... Your son got a lot of friends,about 14 or 15 and only 3 realy close one,whom he trusted,and Gregory was one of the closest one (unfortunately). So,your kid accustomed and strat felling comfortable with his new friends little by little,start to curse,tried cigarettes,just like his friend. Of course you don't know about his mischiefs. Your son hanged out with Gregory much more than with other. Not that they were best friend,it's just Gregory lived next door. Your son considered him more like as older brother that just a friend,but not Gregory,he just wanted to waste some time before they'd go play outside with others. I don't know why,maybe he was jealous of your kid or maybe that was part of his character but he start doing some dick moves. For example,he tell to 2 of his closest friends how he was crying and running after Gregory and begging him to take him home (yeah,he have that character trait to exaggerate),or maybe threaten your kid by telling to his parents that he smoked if he doesn't go with him to the shop center,or maybe threaten him again but by telling his parents that their child is cursing if he don't bring some drink for him...But that's not how friendship works,isn't it?

So! Time flies,we no longer talk or seeing each other. Gregory moved 2 and a half years ago,other 2 closest "friends" going to college by now and living somewhere near to their college. They've moved 4 years ago and the last time i've saw them was 4 years ago. But now, i'm alone for 2 years. No friend. Well,Gregory wrote me once but he was in the toilet. He told that he was bored and that's why he remembered me and decided to wrote to me,just to waste some time. Yeah, i felt bad then,but that's who he is,he has always been like that. So since that day i decided to forget about our bond,forget that we were friends and spent together 10 years. He is an asswipe,so that wasn't too hard for me to forget him. Other guys still hang out and sometimes they're chilling with Gregory,and Gregory himself told me that with intention to hurt me,i think. Well,yeah,that "puch" hurt so much,even now. It's like we almost eat from one plate and slept in one room. But look, what's now? They does not even remember me,I'm sure. I don't want to see them. By the way,they know my adress,home telephone number,my social media profiles. What? You thought they would call or visit me? Ha! It's 21th century,they can whote me a message,but i don't know why they've never wanted to communicate with me or ask Gregory about me. Nah,i don't care already,we don't need fake friend,right? So,that's why i build that wall around me and don't let anyone near to me,because of my "wounds".

God,that's quite a flashback,huh? Where was I?Oh уeah,Andrew. I saw him,but he did nоt noticed me. I don't wanted him to stop or wait for me and i don't called his name. I didn't called his name because i don't want to look like i was waiting him at the store to met him or something. It's because of my scar that Gregory left. I watched him passing,and i decided wait a little longer and then head to school. It was chilling outside,but i don't want to enter the store again. I look up into the cloudless scy and start thinking. I don't want to make same mistake again and give Andrew reason to think that I'm chasing him and want to be with him all the time. God,no,i'm not a freacking maniac! But it's what I think,that's what in my mind,my thought,i don't know what would he thought. Bark of some stray dog stopped the flow of thoughts in my mind. The time's 8:17,I found myself thinking about different situations that can occur if I'd stopped him. I just start running toward school and in 1 minute i was there,opening the door to the lobby of school.


	3. CHAPTER THREE

"School love "

-Good morning...

I said coldly to the guard while pulling from my pocket a card to let myself in. She didn't respond and I just kept walking. Just as usual,all banguettes were occupied by 7,8 and 9 graders,therefore i simply walked straight to our class locker room(which was the last of all. How symbolic,isn't it? The last year in school - last locker room for class). I entered and immediately noticed a girl,my classmate Julie.

-Oh,Illy. You're late!

She said to me with a happy smile on her face.

-Well,what did you expected? C'mon,you know where i live,it takes plenty of time to get here.

I sarcastically said. She laughed and took her backpack. I begun changing my shoes.

-Okie-Dokie! I'm heading to class frist. Don't be late,dummy.

She smiled,winked at me and fliped her hair,turned and then left. When i finished i came out of the locker room and looked to the right,to the entrance in order to find someone from my class in the crowd,but then i heard familiar voice.

-And,what's taking you so long,ha?

It was Anrew. He always waited for me sitting in the banquette near to our locker room.

-Something interesting?

He said it with grinning. Mainly,because he knew that i have no friend aside from him or business to deal with,so he kind of trying to joke.

\- Nope, i just bought a Coke,the line was long...*paused* serious.

I responded. Then i sаt down next to him. We've got 8 minutes before the bell. Actually everyday we set here,at the same banquette next to each other. And here again...silence. We have not that much in common or topics for conversation.

\- I think it's time to go,right?

I said breaking the silence.

-Why not...

Andrew responded and stood up.

-Let's go?

He started.

-Sure...

Answered I. Then I stood up. We got close to the stairs and started to climb the stairs.

3 minutes past after we got to the class,sitted and just waited for bell to ring. It doesn't took so long - bell rung after 20 seconds approximately. First subject was History,witch is not my favourite, and by attendance you can say that it's least favourite subject of our class ( there was 12 out of 23 pupils in class). And since it's the first lesson there's some kids who considering themselves as a holy "elite" or whatever they want to call it and,as they think,can affornd themselves to be late or to sleep a little longer. But last year our class teacher was reprimanded by principal and she don't wanted to be ashamed again so we have to attend all our lessens or she can call out parents. And here they are,one by one knocking and entering. We already have 20 kids out of 23. And here we go. I hear whispers behind the door and i just know who it is. The door's opens without knocking and here she goes. Sasha...

1.77 centimetres,blue,like sky,eye,dark hair,like raven's wing and the most beautiful smile i've ever seen.

Just as stunning as usual. And sicne i sit on the first row she have to pass through me to her place. And yes...he staring at me again...smiling and then smoothly open her mouth and says:

-Hello there...

And passes by.

But oh God,to know that she's of all 20 people in the class(including her best-guy-friend that sitting right behind me)looking and greeting me is just make my life a little more joyfully. And regarding that guy-friend... Everybody have that Diva boy in the class? Well,if you don't then you're very lucky. Because his ,character,manners and point of view juat freaking me out!!! Total asshole. He can easily hit a woman,which is not cool,at all. And warned him last time,if he's gonna continue trying to fight with ladies i would broke his leg and pull it in his shitty ass. Fair? Sure. I think yes. It's just,he's a lot like Gregory, i can't stand him. We have that quiet classmate(well,everybody have) and she's not friend with anyone in class. Actually,she is strange(like, bizarre gestures,unusual voice and humpback) but that doesn't mean that she's not a human. I despise him so much.

So,let's go back to Sasha. There's one thing i have to say. Drumroll...

She have a boyfriend,and moreover,that boyfriend is our classmate. And to know that after that one and only smile that belongs to me, she's going to sit along with him,breaks my heart. Anyways,they're taking break so that okay.

Somehow,we manage to keep it quiet and survived History,hopefully the teacher didn't asked me(but I'm sure it's because she knew I can't answer any of her questions just because i do not know anything). The break stated.

English. Guess who sits next to me? Yes,it's her,Sasha!

It's almost the end of the lesson and here i got a paper from her,on which were written: "Wanna joint me outside and listen to my whines again?". Imma future actor,you know? I just pretended that I don't care,and then made face like I have nothing better to do,consequently i just turned my head to her,raised my right eyebrow and nodded. I can't wait when lesson end...

Finally.I just staying outside the class,waiting for her. She gracefully,step by step,comes out of the class looking right into my eyes. For more than 10 sec I silently watch.

-Illy?- She said, with a beautiful smile on her face - So what,we're going?

I felt a little uncomfortable,because it was creepy.

-Oh...yeah- Said I and made first step.

Normally,after second lesson we have big break so we can go eat,play,shop or walk outside. She called me to accompany her.

Here,I need to tell you a little about her. She's type of girl who'd be nice and good in front of people she wants to use or with people she don't want to be friends or to be in her life at all,and you know,sometimes i have a feeling that I'm one of the guys she doesn't wants to let in her life(Even so,she's acting like i meant something,she told me our relationship with her is really something that she missed. She laughed with me,ate with,danced with me and took my advises sometimes,but it all was one big play). She lies,a lot. She lies to her friends,she lies to her parents,she lies to everyone including her boyfriend,which is why they're taking a break.

About him. Karl - 17 years old,181 centimetres,friendly guy,with a lot potential in politic sphere but he's lazy so he does not that into studying. We know each other since he joined us in 6th grade. Few day ago, I've been sitting on bench and thinking about apper in class or not ( the lesson back then have been started about 10 minutes ago) when i noticed how he entered the school. We shook hands,he sat near to me and asked why am I sitting here. I answered that I don't want to go. We started to talk about stuff and I asked what's happening between him and Sasha,he responded like that:

-Its just... There's a lot of things,actually- he paused,looked at me and after few seconds continued - I know that she's talking with you and I'm sure she told you her story but you don't know myne,so don't cretisize me,man... I so tired of her lies and things that I keep hearing about her...i just... Can I lie on your shoulder and cry a little bit?

I was just shocked... I said yes. Well,that sounds a little bit gay but i can't say no,simply can't. I was in love,too,had a girlfriend for 3 years but within this 3 years we were together only 2 months(she moved and now live in Finland) so I kind of know how it feels. You spend you best moment with person you think you can trust,love and expect the same but no,you getting nothing( Here their story. As I mentioned, she is a lier. Before they decided to take a brake they had done that once. So during that period she was asked out and she went on a date and kissed with someone. After they united again he aked if she did like "that" with others or kissed or something. She said no,she lied). And you know what,after that day,i decided not to confess because they might have another chance to be together. And here's why.

Me and Sasha outside,next to the store,she's smoking and I'm listening to what she's saing. The reason she asked me to come with her was because she wanted to know what happening with Karl. He loved(and i know that he love her now too) her so much that he had spending all his free time with her and forgot about his friends. And after they broke up he talking about their relationship(and talking whatsoever) only with me,which make my heart warm. Yeah,she doesn't interested in. I have,as i call it,"power" that allows me to see humans true characters,and intentions,and also their true self. And i don't know what distracts me,but she's the only I can't analyze. Anyways,all she was asking is how he's doing,what was saying and so on. It turned out that she was the one that wanted to make it lake it was before. Trying to change. But it hard,you know, to quit lying if you were doing it all your life. She want to save their relationship but his heart is fractured,he tired and don't wantaanything,he act like they're just classmates,nothing more. She start talking about regrets... Oh girl, everyone got few.

-Oh! It's time to go!!!

She ran toward school. I followed her with various thoughts. "I love her..." but why? Why in the her i felt that way?!

They're good togher. They were living togher for 1 year and they've been dating for 15 month,I don't and I can't meddle in.

5th lesson end, with our class teacher. Today is 23th of May. We have only 2 days to rehear out prom. Ofter May 25th we graduating from school. Our exams stats after May ends. We got exams ahead,but i want to skip my exam part and talk about prom... God,it was awful.


	4. CHAPTER FOUR

_**"Bye-bye school"**_

23th of June,prom night. After getting High school Diploma we go outside and wait for our limo to take us. Few girls got already drunk, two guys bought a booze.

In the limo: 12 out of 23 got fully drunk... One girl vomited in the limo,hopefully nobody got hurt. Eventually, 19 got drunk. Me,Julie,Anrew and two others was sober. As a gentleman I can't let our ladies utterly lose their mind,I suggested our boys to look after our girls. You know,we're going to club,who knows what that moroms up there think and can do with a drunk girl...

Nothing interesting(for me) happend at the club: music,guards,food,a lot of people,secretly carried alcohol and toilet full of idiots i don't know. It was dull.

Pnw the way back the drunk goys were silent,yet,some of them still was drunk...Sasha and Karl was kissing. A lot of time passed since 23th of May. Within this i confessed to Sasha(she said that she need time to get over Karl) and told about my feeling to Sasha to Karl. He said that if i want i can go and get her,he finished with her. And now,they both know how i feel about her but... At least,they can wait till they get home. Either way, that hurt so,so much. Why i felt ashamed then i eye contacted with her or Karl in limo...i don't know. I'm not the one who have to feel that way,then why? All my life ruined... I considered him as a friend,really good friend but he ended up being like Gregory(I'll talk about it in next chapter...maybe). And Sasha...oh gal,you're the first girl that ripped my heart out of my chest,crashed it into smithereens and tore it apart...

One thing that keeping me alive was Julia and Andrew. They know about that too,i trust them and they're trusting me. But! There is one actually "but" in ourt friendship but I'll talk about later...

Limo approaching school,pulling over. 6:45 AM. Everybody heading home. I got home at 6:47 and first time in my life I wished to die...I was exhorted physically and emotionally.

Eventually,I fell asleep. Nothing. Blank dark space,no dream...


	5. CHAPTER FIVE

"Best Friends"

First things first,as i promised,this time I'll tell you about Andrew and Julie. You know about Andrew so I'll begin with Julie. She's very cheerful person,in January turned 17 years,168 centimeters height with a gray-green eyes and long light hair. She joined my class in 10th grade. I've seen her few times when we were in elementary school but we've never talked to each other before,and I don't even thought that one day we could be such a good friends. She have a look of an bitchy bitch and but that's what you think of her but then you'll know her better you realize that you was wrong about her. She always so nice to people and no matter you're friend or just classmate. There's no boundaries between her and guys. No,not like that. She can talk about her personal life,interest with a guy,sometimes even hug or touch,which we can consider as sign but in fact is not.

15th of September,10th grade,Biology. We had that group school work (four pupil in each group) back then and I was sitting with Andrew,as always bunch of people was late,including Julie. Me,Julie,her friend Kathy(A little bit about her: she's pretty tall,have a really fat butt and her posture is just too perfect. Few guys from our guys bully and mock her sometimes,but to be more precisely Karl and Alex - Sasha's best-guy-friend. It's all because she's perfect in math,biology and other subjects,she have perfect live and that's why they're messing with her. But she never cried or complained about it. She simply pretended that everything's fine,and you know,your will have to be really strong to do that. But she's a girl. Julie lotd that one day she called her after school when Kathy was already home and Julie noticed that her voice was strange and also Kathy sniffing. Good job guys,you broke another poor girl.)and Andrew - assembled a group. We've been talking about a lot of stuff (like who watching that or who watched this) and Julie said something about anime. I felt as if somebody kicked me with bаt,because I love anime and I've watched more that 100 different anime. And we started our conversation but teacher kicked us out of the class,which actually didn't stopped us. So,since then we've been talking about anime and eventually moved on other topics. In the middle of 11th grade we became best friend,she always asked for advises as friend or as boy. I didn't even expected but "the twist" was coming. In December(11th grade) Andrew told me that he's in love with Julie and he already confessed in the end of 10th grade. God...

As i mentioned before,she have no "walls" so you can poke her in the fave and she'd not get angry,she'll just simply laugh and will do the same to you. She just can't stand when someone hates her or act pessimistic,Julie try to always cheer that person. And the reason why Andrew's head over the heels for Julie is because she's the only girl in his whole life that cared about him. Aside from me he has no friend and he never felt that way about any girl. He's pretty, at least 3 girls asked him out in 11th grade(from another school thar was near to ours),but he was cold and said no. Not that he's life is miserable,but he got only one friend,has no interest except from bicycles and his almost 18 but still virgin(but he told me about it in winter of 11th grade,i didn't know about that when we start hanging out). Well,yeah, he acted depressingly often,and Julie(she didn't know about all of that) always talked with him,tickled him(which was his weakness) and always asked him if everything okay. There was a period when three of us hanged out together(All that was 10th grade).

(The following happend in the middle of 11th grade)

She asked only me to go with her in anime store in school once,since Andrew hated anime(we tried to convince him to watch it but he resisted),Andrew wasn't so far from us and heard her offer. I said that I'll go with her and after my response she left us. Then he asked me if he could join us,to which i replied:

-Are you sure you want to? 'Couse I'm not sure you'll be good with that. You know,we'll talk only about anime things and may forget about you.

He came up with the stupidest idea.

-I'm just worried about you two,you can lost on your way there...

Actually, I'm not a detective,but before I've agreed i asked her if she know how to get there and she said that she went there twice before. After he answered that thing popped up in my head and i remembered that he was near and heard our conversation so why would he want that,plus anime. I don't think he was interested in me or our safety. Hmm! Julie!!!

Yeah...that was obvious that something happening. I know when people try to lie or hide something.

Anyways,it was interesting in the store. And i have to point out that our friendship with Andrew wasn't on the hight level, but with Julie we already were close friends. We walked Julie home and decided to walk a little longer before head home. I asked him about Julie and he said that everything was okay. So i didn't insist and didn't payed attention on the expression on his face. I'm a little carefree...or maybe little to much carefree. I already considered him as friend but he,unfortunately,as turned out didn't...

Winter of 11th grade. Me and Andrew were sitting on our bench silently when Julie approached us and sat down between me and him. Instantly she and me laughed,greet each other and find topic to talk. She said that she read the book that our literature teacher said us to read.

-Hehe... You know that I'm lazy. I havn't read that book- i said and immediately added - Oh,you can talk about the book with Andrew. He always do homework.

-...- Julie got d a little bit but she responded -Hey,look- pointed at the clock- It's already time- and she stood up and disappeared.

-And just what in the world was that?

-Just forget it- said Andrew and after a little break added -How is you girlfriend doing?

-Nah...We broke up- I responded -And you're still virgin,ha?

-Hm...

After a little silence he told me what's happening. Everything,between him and Julie. In the end of 10th grade he told to Julie that he loves her. It turned out that they were shopping and hanging in 10th grade without me few times and it was totally his idea,because he wanted her to like him and then confess. But that was al wrong... Julie and I were really close,and that was really strange and rare thing between us. Female and male - just friend. Everyone in class though that we'll be together in future,but i had a girlfriend back then and she told me that she doesn't want to belong to one and only guy,she wanted to be free for a little longer,also she added that she hate love and all that stuff. And here I got told that he confereed to her.

-Oh my God...- I said,because I knew that she didn't wanted to date. I asked him why he didn't told be anything and he responded that he wasn't sure if he can trust me and added that now he told me anything because he want me to help him. And again, I asked him why and he answered:

-Because you know her pretty well and can tell me what to do,also she trust you more that anyone else.

-Like what,you wanna use me?-i said.

He laughed and nodded. I was a little astounded. I remembered our shopping with him and Julie and asked him.

-Just as you did when we were in anime store?- I said with a fake smile on my face.

-Precisely,dude- he said.

I was stunned. My eyes was wide open. First time after I forgot about my previous fake friends I realised that I found another one. But even so he was my friend and i decided to help him.

I also have another "skill" that allows me to push people to do something that i want them to do(like deside something,tell or say). So tomorrow,after our conversation with Andrew I stopped Julie after our lessons asked what happeing between him and Andrew,and since I know her pretty well i know exactly where to push her to talk what I want. And here she goes. Holding my hand and crying about that how she regret what she told him and rejected(which was pretty harsh). But she said something that I didn't expert(and now wish didn't believe). She said that she's in love with him. I was really happy and I thought that they have a chance. I had a plan. I knew that he's still holding on something and hope that something between him and Julie can but now i knew that she's inovd with him too. I told her about it and she rejoiced. I suggested to talk with him. She was scared. Somehow,I was able to convince her to talk with him. And I also convinced him to talk with her(which was really easy).

Second floor. Me and Andrew waiting for her(Woman...what can i say. Always late). She came,I took her to him and instead of talking they've hugged. God! I was relived,I almost cried (and Andrew too). But wasn't so good...Their relationship lasted only 13 day(he was born in October 13th,and he thought it might a sign). Julie tald that she got sick of him and his silence... I thought that he was silent only with me because we haven't that much common but no,he actually always like that. I was really depressed. Because of me...only because of me they didn't talk and sit or look at each other again... I lost my best friend... Andrew always said that that wasn't my fault(and Julie did too) but that really was my mistamke. Neither of them got angry at me. I just tried to help someone I care but...as always,it turned out only worse. We keep communicatng but separately. Three of us together...nerer.


	6. CHAPTER SIX

"Friendship issues"

Few months later,when we were sitting in the cafe with Andrew we kiddnig aroud and I accidentally told him that I'm is anly friend and he replied:

-Hey,it's all on you! You're the one who wanted to befriended with me,not me.

-Ok. Whatever you suy,buddy- i said

-No,I'm serious. I don't need friend,I'm good to be alone. I got plan to college so we probably we'll be seeing each other less often. And since I can't use you we can stop communicate.

-...- i was little shocked -Ok...but why then you told me everything about yourself? The things about virginity and relationship with family and other bunch of stuff?-with wide open eyes and calm voice i asked him.

-Well,you're such a good listener so I just decided that can tell you whatever I want and since you have no one to tspend time with i don't worry about that you can tell someone about my life. They have reasons to believe you,though- he responded.

I was smiling. And with a smile on my face I stood up and went out of the cafe. I was just speechless. I have nothing in my head. The only thing I wanted was to get home as soon as possible and fall asleep. Deed-deed sleep and forget today.

But the fact is - I lost another friend...well "friend". But still,i got Jullie. At least twice in month we've been seeing each other. I was happy with that,but that scars of my past were whining so much.

.

.

.

The end of August. Everyone in my class found universities or colleges they wanted to go,but not me. The one and only subject i was good at school was English. I was dreaming about moving to the USA so i spent all my summer trying to find a good programmes and foundations. But my father can't afford it,our family can't afford it. And even if we can,I'm not sure that my mom or will agree to let me live in another country all by myself.

I met Karl few day ago in our store near to school. He was nice to me and suggested to hang out sometimes.

-I'll text you,bro- he said leaving the store.

But he never did. He delited me from friend list in social media and added me to black list. So what? I passed through that thing already,I felt nothing. Julie always wanted to be elementary school teacher,she love kids. So she's bussy from 7 AM to 8 PM and i can't even ask how she's doing because I don't want her to be distracted from studying. I am lonely,so down and lonely.

Well, i forgot already how pain feels like. I accustomed to it. I wish... I just...It's my life that so miserable...


	7. CHAPTER SEVEN

" _ **Reasons to die**_ "

Hey there. My name is - Illy. And as you may notice I'm the main character of that story. I was born in December of 1998. I'm 171 centimeters tall,I have dark hair,dark brown eyes and a little hump on my nose( When I was little ( 2 years old) my uncle was playing with me and I've only recently learned how to walk,I just approaching him and the moment when I was falling he tried to catch me but he couldn't and when I fallen and got hit by his knee. That how I hot my hump). I also got bushy eyebrows and unusually long eyelashes for a man. I have swarthy skin and I was always skinny, I've got not that much of muscle. My stamina is weak. You know some says that those who smoking are bad at sport due to their endurance but I've only smoked 2 full cigarettes in my life and also never drink alcohol,yet I still suck at sport. I hate running. So I try to keep myself fit because i know if i get fat I won't be able to lose weight. With all of that I'm look like а 14 years old schoolboy but when I grow a beard I at least I look like my age. I live with my family in one room apartment, I sleep in the kitchen and my Dad,mom and yunger sister in the bedroom. My Mom is a housewife,my sister is still going to school and my Dad is the only one who work in our family.

The 22nd of September. It's already 2 weeks passed since my cousin get here with group of his friends (they went to college) and they also find place to stay together but as it turned out his mother,who's my aunt and my Dad's sister insinted that he moved and live with us... I mean,are you even a human?! How can you,really? We have a 15 year girl in our family and you want your crazy,stupid,unmannered and drug addict bastard son live with us?! Have some pride,woman!

My poor Mom cried, I was yelling and even begged but the one who have no sense of dignity was my father.

-He's already here...-he calmly said to to Mom and then turned his head to me and added-I can't send him back. And unlike someone he made it to university all by himself.

Dad...i don't even know if i can call you like that. To tell the truth,i don't want to... I don't think that you deserve that title. Okay. I didn't made it to university or college but it's all because I have a dream and I wanted to make it come true. I spent all my summer vacation to seach the cheapest programme because I don't wanted you,Dad,to worry about where to get money. But it's all was in vain. Dear father,I always loved you,even when you called me "good-for-nothing",even when you kicked my mother in front of me and my sisiter because she was telling truth about you pitiful live and you have nothing better to say or do but to hit her,or when you ceased to be interested in my educating when i was in 3d grade,or when you spent money that supposingly have to go for my prom,or then i needed new winter shoes but instead of giving me the money to buy it you lent lent them to someone you knew less than 24 hours. Yes,I loved you. But i continued to loving you until the moment you actually said that you don't care about me. And here how it happend: few days after my cousin moved my aunt called us. She is actually nice lady,but if she want something she'd be just like a dog. Will hold you in its jaws and won't let go until she gets what she want. She asked about be and offered money,in case we don't have enough to pay for my education and here what my Dad said after aunt asked him the same question 4 times: -Listen, I've got my own business to take care of,I have no tome for him!

Wow,Dad,you have to be nominated for "the best father in the world". When someone,aside from me,Mom or sisnter,asking him for a help he'd sell his pants to help them,and when we're asking about something we got it,yes,but after a month or 2. My beautiful Mother lost her Mom when she was 12 and Dad when she was 25. It's so tragic. She had 5 brothers and 2 sisters but,unfortunately,one of her brothers committed suicide. She already lost a lot in her life,but she got us,me,her daughter and her husband. She deserves everything in this world,but instead of thinking only about how to make her happier he spending his life helping others. But everybody got their flaws,right? And my Mom flaws is - she always talk about the things that'll make you angry because she always pick something that will tear you apart from inside,I spending all my day home, and everyday I'm hearing how's she saying that even drug addict idiot did it and I can't...Mom,please,I know that already, stop hurting me.

December. It's snowing here. I haven't seen Jullie since August 15th. I have no one to tell about what happening in my heart. I'm still staying at home. My Dad don't want to help. I'm not sure,but isn't other dads interested or trying to help their children? Well,not mine.

So,and here I am. I'm 18 years old, I had a lot of friends in my life before that acted that they cared about me or wanted help me but it's appeared to be that they're only pretended being good with me. Seriously,with all my respect I don't understand. Ones with whom i spent 9 years,ate from one plate,slept in one room,we were almost like brother,but it was me who thought that we are friends,i was too blind with happiness that i haven't see the truth - these guys shot me down on my knees. My own classmates,who I suppose to call my second family tricked me the same way - and those guys kicked me so bad. My own dad don't care about me,he don't even want to help me now so that I can help him in the future - and this one is kills me. I have no friends,I'm completely alone. The fact that my Father don't care about me made me feels like I'm useless and worthless worthless. I lost interest in living... I can live without friends at the moment. I mean,I'm only 18 and the world is so big and I've got a lot of time to live so I can find at least 1 friend that will stick with me forever. But that loneliness mixed with that uselessness makes me wanna kill myself... Plus my mom saying every single day that I'm an idiot. Now we all sleeps in a bedroom and my cousin in the kitchen. Oh,that shitty cousin of mine... I hate his smug face. I'd like to go and find a work but my dad said that he'd kill me if I begin to work and bring money,he can't stand the fact that he's getting older and can't support a family forever,and also for applying for a job i needed to pass military commission and since I haven't got deferment from the army I'd definitely have gone to serve for a county. And for that my Dad refused too.

The 20th of December. It's 5:06 in the morning. Everybody's sleeping in house. I'm so tired... I was living here for 15 years. God,same people,same places,buildings. I can't do it anymore. I have a lot of perspectives,I have desire to work,but my dad for no normal reason won,t me do something. I'm done. My life is as pathetic as I am. It's so annoying... I ate leftovers for breakfast and went to the bathroom.

I got ready by 6:10 AM. My boots,winter jacket and winter cap. I opened the door get myself silently out and then closed the door. In 3 minutes i was outside. It's winter here,but it wasn't snowing, early in the morning,and also no wind. The sun was just rising, snow's crunching under my feet...God,I hate winter,despite the fact that I was born in December and suppose to like it at least because of my birthday but I hate my birthdays also,too. I had a person that I trust and love so much but it's not that "love" you may think of. Lily - my cousin. I remember my 7th birthday. All my family,including my grandparents and aunts with uncles and theirs children. I was so happy and actually,that was the last time I felt happiness since then. That day Lily came all way from another country to celebrate with us...with me. I was the happiest person in the world. She always was there for me,listen to my,gave me advises and treated me like I wasn't just a kid with a little issues. Like seriously, I was crying because I wanted chocolate cake from the store,not homemade. Such a childish problem. But even though,she loved me so much,I enjoyed spending time with her. Not because she gave present all the time but because she was the one that really loved me as a kid,as an human being.

-And that's all you want for your birthday? Bro,I got it!-We fistbumped-Wait for a little longer- She walked out of the house and I followed her. She got in her car,winked at me through the window and drove away. Unfortunately,that was the last time I saw her. She died in the саr accident on the way home. I don't know how it happend exactly but it was her fault. It was her fault that she loved me so much and wanted to bring that cake to me as fast as she can. Nobody ever found out why she left that day but I knew why. She died because of me. My love have killed her and every year on my birthday I don't take any presents. It became something that I hate the most in my life - birthday presidents. Even more that people who pretend to be your friend only to get something they want and then get rid of you. I can't eat chocolate cakes whatsoever. I lost someone dear to my heart all because my selflessness. And that's why I hate winter,my birthdays and to be more exact - my own existence.


	8. CHAPTER EIGHT

_**"End to begin"**_

I was heading to that old playground. Behind this playground,which was almost completely surrounded by the building,you can find a road that'd lead you to the forest and you have to spend just 3 minutes more to find another path that leads to the railway. Do you know how lighthouse work? The light that comes from tower helps the ships to avoid form crashing,and we have that kind of the towers her too,on the land (but it helps the trains),about 9 metres - that was my destination. On my way there i didn't noticed anybody,which was really strange. Usually,there's at least 3 or 4 people who's going to work. But what was really strange - there's no cars...seriously,not a single one. It was too quiet for a morning.

The flashbacks started when I was passing through the playground. I can almost hear all our voices and laughs from the past. But it was really cool back in the days. Play outside with your friends hide and seek,football and other games, that was the time when I don't have to think about my future so much,I was just enjoying that very moment and don't even realised that it'll become a memory one day. It's really cool to remember how many friend you had back in the days and how many great memories you got,but it's also hard to know that the ones you knew as a friends now turned into encounters or strangers who don't even greets you when they saw you somethere,or the worst - pretending like they don't knew you at all. I took a look at the swing and the moment I blinked I saw somebody sitting there and then I stopped and opened my eyes in hopes to see someone but no one actually was there. At first i convinced myself that that was part of my flashback but I do not remember that person sitting there. The snow behind fell from the leaves of the tree scared me. I just forget about it and continued walking. I entered the forest:the path was long and straight and I'm in the forest there's plenty of trees around,but I don't needed to walk all the way to the end,the road was divided in the middle by 2 ways,all I needed is to walk for 4 minutes from the entrance and go left,to the railways. It was cold,my arms were in my pockets,I rised my head up and just gasped. It was too beautiful. Clear straight path, sunshine and hoarfrost on the trees. God,it was amazing! It was too bright so I closed my eyes and lowered my head down and felt like a tickling all over my body,it was as if I got electrocuted,like storke of lightning or something. When i opened them I noticed someone's footprints in the snow. I was woman's footprints. All this time I was walking and about to turn left and I noticed that these tracks lead to the place where I intend to go.

-What the...- I thought.

I just continued. There were about 16 towers but only one of them was without a lock. As time passed and I was approaching the tower I was a little curious about why is that doorsteps leads exactly to the tower that was in front of my eyes in the nick of the time. I looked up to check if there's someone sits on top of it. A lot of strange things happend already but this one was the most disturbing - the footsteps end at the exact same place where begins the stairs to the tower. For credibility, I checked again but I found that there was anyone up there. I looked around: Big railway,few trains ahead and 2 full of coal behind. No one here except from me,no sounds of birds. Dead silence.

I looked around once again and started climbing up the stairs to the tower. I spent approximately 3 minutes climbing there. It was frosty,even with gloves on I could still feel the cold. But i did it. I reached the top. With both hands I held on to the ladder and with my head I opened the door to reach the end and finally stand up on my feet. There was space for more that 2 people on the top but for sure not for more. And yap,there's nobody up here. My feet and arms hurt due to the fact that I didn't took gymnastics for a long time. But God, it was totally worth it! I turned to the opposite side. Amazing view:clouds,clear white snow without footsteps on it,rising sun and hoarfrost. I came here because I wanted to end my shitty life. I reached to my pocket to get my phone and take a picture of that stunning scenery. The moment I was about to tap the creen i heard a voice behind my back.

-Such a beautiful sunrise,don't you think so,conqueror?- said stranger,with a quiet and unfamiliar to me voice.

I was so startled that dropped the phone from my hands. I watched how it slipped through the gap and flew down. For first 20 seconds I stood with my back to the stranger, convincing myself that it was only my imagination.

-So- said mysterious person and made a little step to me and then continued- shall we start?

I instantly turned to her and made step back but rested back against the iron and almost fell. I looked at her. She wore something black with a hood and her eyes were so beautiful. For the record,her attire was something unusual,I've never seen a cloak like that. The cloak was very loose and long. She had a blue-green eyes. Her black hair had blue tints. I wasn't able to saw her full body because it was covered by cloak.

-Who in the hell are you?!- I shouted at her.

I saw her grinning face.

-Death- she said, walking up to me and grabbed me around the head with the right hand and touched my thigh with her right hand and after that put the hand back and said -Just kidding. Have a nice trinp,Newbie- she smiled sticking his tongue out.

Then I tried to freed myself but noticed that something begin to form in the air,it had a form of circle. I was shocked. As if

I was dreaming. The edge of her cloak started to move and grabed my right leg and then she released me. After that thing swing me to the right and threw me to that circle in air. I saw her waving. In the blink of an eye she and the place I was stranding a minute ago disappeared and with her I observed how that circle closed. I was floating. Everything around me was so bright,with a lot of different colours. 5 seconds after,I saw that another cirlce сonverted in front of me. All that time I was screaming. I passed through that circle again. I found myself in the air. All alone,with clouds around me. I thought that I'm dead. I saw the earth under myself. Then i faited.


End file.
